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Saturday, 29-Apr-2017 19:16:09 EDT
ask sean: jealous friends intoxicate
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What to do when a jealous friend becomes intoxicating?
Ask Sean.

All right, kids, it’s time for your weekly (for the most part) adventure with Ask Sean. It's a long weekend here in Canada so readership will likely be on the low side... but in this exciting episode, we’re going to look into a conversation about the 'other woman' and by that I mean, your girlfriend's BFF (best friends forever). How to deal when your girl's best friend doesn’t like you. Next we’ll look at how to deal with that asshole BF that you can’t stand – but can’t seem to stop going back to. And finally, we’re going to look at why do girls keep bitching about other girls?

Sound good? Sure it does! All right, it’s time to dig in. Your adventure begins... right about... now!


So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 7mos. Her ex-best friend (to be explained) has been rude, short, and unwelcoming of me since the get-go. Never been nice or interested in getting to know me. My girlfriend told me she has always been like that with all the guys she's dated...

My girl and I are in love now, she's moving to NY with me next month to follow me to law school.

After me expressing all this to her, and other reasons of how this best friend was never really supportive of my girl's relationships, she realized her friend never really has been all that great of a friend even though they've been good friends since middle school.

So she distanced herself from this friend significantly and doesn't see her very often as a result.

But lately she has been wanting to see her and catch up! I feel so insulted and disrespected because this 'best friend' has never given me even a basic apology for how she has always acted towards me. That's all I want – a simple apology... and then I'd be fine. But my girl just wants to see her friend and catch up and be all buddy-buddy. We are getting into some big fights over this because she says I am being selfish... I say she is being rude and inconsiderate of 'me' – and doesn't have my back.

The 'friend' has been liking some of my girl's Facebook pictures of the two of us lately, texting my girlfriend, and suddenly my girlfriend thinks she is so supportive of us.


I mean... I don't want a lot, just an apology that I feel I am owed because she was rude, bitchy, and unwelcoming from the get-go with what I felt was sabotage – and then I'd be fine with her!

Am I out of line here or am I right? I feel that my girlfriend is being selfish and not putting me first, having my back, and / or being by my side with this. Please tell me if I am wrong...?

SEAN says:
Don't bother getting between girls who are friends. Her BFF was just looking out for her and hoping to protect her from one of the bad ones... You don't know your girlfriend's history like her friend does – and she likely bitches to her relentlessly when things go wrong... Watch out!

Acting all bitchy about this make her assumption right. Just go on like it's no big deal if you haven't done a single thing 'wrong'. Be the bigger man and prove to them that you have their best interests at heart too.

Then they will both like you just fine.

Do you have a question?


Do you think it's possible that the only way to get over someone 'you-know-is-bad-for-you' is to find someone else?

I keep going back and I think it's just out of hurt, confusion, and loneliness. I didn't want to further complicate my situation by finding a BF or starting a relationship – but I'm starting to think it might be what will help me to move on.

I just don't know...?

SEAN says:
You need to take time to look into 'you' and what that 'bad person' represents to you... If it's just good sex, forget it. This is for all the ladies out there!

But for you, does he represent an emotional need (even bad emotions can be important if you can't spark good emotions too)? Does he fill a void of loneliness in you? Is it social stigma about being afraid to not have a BF? Is he filling a void that you are lacking with friends and family? Etc, etc, etc?

Trying to figure out why you are fighting for a bad relationship is the same as trying to figure out your way off of drugs... They fill a void, they let you feel emotions, they let you mask your mind away from social stigma, etc. An emotional person to someone else is really about how you are lacking something inside yourself.

Love is like a drug.

The good thing is, you can empower yourself to change all of that! Learn to love you, to provide for you, to feel for you, to feed and grow and become more awesome every day for you. When you are fully awesome, you don't need anyone else to fill that void...

You can still be with someone to share your awesomeness, but you don't need anyone to complete you. Work towards that – and you will never have to worry about assholes like this again.

Do you have a question?


Why do women feel the need to point out if they think a woman's boobs are fake? Who in the world cares?? I have never gotten this...

I used to be 44 EEE – and they were not fake. Women need to stop hating each other... It drives me nuts!

SEAN says:
Girls compete for attention and take down the attention that other girls are getting, true. Guys do the same by calling others 'gay' or 'loser'...

It's about pushing others down so that 'we' raise higher in social status so we can get the better mate. It's why bullying happens in school and why there are hierarchies in work, politics, countries, social get-togethers, etc. Everyone wants to be at the top so they push others down to step up the ladder. But this is all primal stuff...

If you already have some comfort in who you are and feel you are just awesome, you don't need to push anyone else down! Remember 'leaders never fight' – the people at the top of the ladder never fight others because they are comfortable. People with insecurities who try to climb the ladder need to fight to get to the next step up.

Don't let shit like this bother you...

When you calm yourself down and realize that 'the ladder' is just an illusion, know that you are already awesome and that you don't need to push anyone down or play into the game of being pushed down. You will then be a natural leader and you won't feel less than anyone around you. In fact, you can pull other people up 'the ladder' so that they realize how awesome they are too – that is if, in contradiction, you want to play the game for others... (wink!)

That’s all for this week. To be continued...

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Sean Michael is an enigma wrapped in a riddle and his bio is none of your business.

Sean Michael
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Ask Sean is an advice column to be used for informational and for entertainment purposes only. By submitting a letter to this website, you grant SayItCanada permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your name and email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a question will be responded to.

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