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Friday, 28-Apr-2017 02:08:58 EDT
ask sean: is it really the pill?
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Is it really the pill that is causing her loss of libido?
Ask Sean.

All right, kids! Ask Sean is finally back after an extended hiatus. So with my triumphant return, I've decided to write an extended article to arouse and titillate you with!

In our first question, we're going to discuss how to reignite some passion when the sex starts to slow down. Next, we're going to talk about why some girls are getting frustrated with the present sad state of masculinity, and look in depth at some female options. And finally, we're going to talk about why girls think that men are all looking for those skinny b*tches you see in magazines.

It's been too long since your last taste of Ask Sean, so without further ado... it's time to suck it in...


Hey, man, hope you're doing well. I have a couple of questions for you if you don't mind answering them. My girlfriend and I have been together for a while, and the last few months I've noticed her sex drive really going down. Now I've done some research and I've read that girls on birth control (which she's on) often times suffer from a loss of libido due to the prostrogen in their bodies that fluctuates differently from women who are not on the pill.

I don't know if this is the reason, but I've noticed her not wanting sex as much as she has in the past. She often will justify it by saying our relationship needs to be based on more than sex and that I should respect the fact that we have different sex drives, but it still bugs me that often times when I try to seduce her it doesn't work. She'll just stop me cold in my tracks and say, 'Not today,' or something along those lines. I'll often get frustrated when this happens and react stand-offish towards her afterwards – which gets her upset and leads to disagreements between us.

So all in all it is a problem. I guess my questions are:

  • is it normal for women to act like this and for people to have unmatching sex drives? and,
  • how can I better handle the times that I'm stopped cold when I try to seduce her to initiate sex?

I'm in a tough situation and looking for another way to deal with it so I figured you had some good words of wisdom. Thanks!

SEAN says:
One, yes and no. Two, never ask.

To give a better and more complicated answer:

  • One. Remember the whole Open, Attraction, Comfort, Sex thing? When guys get into a relationship, they get complacent about those steps. Attraction is where all of the fun, mystery, and flirting reside. Comfort is the closer connection. Seduction follows suit but has to be after Attraction and Comfort.

    One of the biggest mistakes that guys make when they first meet a girl is they try Comfort before Attraction. So instead of being the fun flirty guy that is so awesome to be around, they are already talking about their hopes and dreams and hoping they match hers.

    Comfort before Attraction equals Friend Zone. Every time. Now think about a relationship that has gone on for awhile. Guys fall into the same trap, 'Well she's already seen me fun and flirty, and she knows me enough so that the mystery is gone.' When you tell yourself crap like that, you skip the fun and flirty and just go straight into Comfort, hoping to lead to Sex right after. Now you've Friend Zoned yourself and you get shot down.

  • Two. A girl doesn't want you to ask her if you should kiss her. A girl doesn't want you to ask if you should sleep with her. A girl wants to feel that the sexual tension has built up so long through the day that you just can't control yourself anymore – and she wants to let her passions and tingly feelings overwhelm her too. It should be felt rather than discussed. So don't ask...

    However, you need to remember that guys are binary and we think in absolutes, 'If she f*cked me that one time, she wants to f*ck me all the time.' Umm, no.

    A girl's emotions are like waves. Some time in the day, she really likes you. You are all she thinks about, all that she brags about to her girls. Other times you annoy the crap out of her and she would sooner kick you to the curb than look at you again. These emotions can fluctuate all through the day and even from moment to moment.

    However, you can influence these waves. If you start off slow throughout the day, from the smug / flirty eye contact, to how you touch her hand, to how you kiss her before work, to how you text her just to let her know you are thinking about her, to how you will hold her when you get back from work, to how you massage her shoulders after her long day at work, to how you make her giggle with light tickles, to locked eyes and then looking at her lips before you kiss her again, to how you etc, etc, etc... From the morning through the day, you are building those waves of lust inside of her. Call it fore-foreplay if you will. The whole day is slowly building to a sexual ecstasy that neither of you can control, just overwhelmed by passion and animal instinct. No girl is going to turn you down after that. In fact, you can expect her to ravage you at one point or another because she can't take it anymore. That is how you keep the passion alive.

Sure there is a chance that the pills are effecting her too, but there's nothing wrong with throwing down a little extra seduction to find out for sure.

Do you have a question?


Okay, I was talking to a friend earlier today, and we thought jokingly at the same time, that maybe we should become bisexual because it seems like so many men are players – or at least the majority of them – that talk to us. Between the question about how men just send pics of their cocks, not get to know the real us, and so many just wanting to be FWB (friends with benefits) or NSA (no strings attached)...

I just wonder, if this plays a role in women turning to each other since they do understand each other, and seem to be able to fulfill the emotional needs.

What do you think? I think it is an interesting thought...

SEAN says:
I've been reading a book called Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women that is a compilation of essays from female romance novelists on why women are so drawn to reading harlequin novels. I won't go into all of their points, but one of them that I found interesting was when one of them mentioned a survey done on women who were asked, 'Why you aren't more successful and content in life?' They said that 9 of the 10 survey answers involved 'fear' or 'I'm scared to' or 'judgement' they'd feel if they did...


But in the romance / harlequin novels, the protagonist is never afraid. Or, even if she is, she acts to not show that she is afraid – even against the brute of a man that can be so evil to the point of rape and killing. In these types of books, she has an inner fight to her that stands up to it all and eventually turns him and makes him love her. Still, it is her female powers that are released, no longer repressed, that makes her overpower him.

We now live in a wealthy society, and with wealth comes hedonism – usually to greater and greater degrees. Add to this the need to feel free, to fight against judgement, and a lack of dudes that know how to be Men...

It's a fascinating fantasy for a girl to want to be with a girl. It's empowering to fight against previous stigma and fulfill a fantasy that in another society, would have real consequences.

Do you have a question?


WHY? asks:
Why do men prefer fake, pretty, skinny women and why do men only try for one nighters – not real relationships?

SEAN says:
You'll find that men go more for the rare girls. If all the girls around are brunettes, then the blondes are in high praise. If the skinny girls are everywhere, the bigger girls are in high order. It's about value. If something seems like it's more valuable, you are willing to invest more to get it. But ya, tastes change over the years and we like different things over the course of the years.

But you'll also find that skinny girls are in the magazines that girls read. It's not really what most guys want, but it's what girls are programmed to think all men want. Same with guys, they think that all girls want a guy with a 15-inch cock because that's what they see in porn. Seriously, it's really not what a girl values from a guy, now is it?

As far as 'Why guys prefer one night stands versus relationships', it has something to do with basic genetic priorities as well as our current society. Guys have lots of sperm that they can fire off all day long. Back in more primitive times, it made sense to impregnate as many girls as possible so that his genes were more likely to survive war, disease, and pterodactyl attacks. That primal drive to spread seed is still in us, even if our conscious minds don't really want kids.

And as far as society goes, most guys now a days have a porn mindset about sex. Get in, get it done, get out. Beyond that, they really have no idea how to be in relationships anymore. Not that they can't be trained, but there are few role models out there to learn how to be in a successful relationship anymore.

That's all for this week kids! To be continued...

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Sean Michael is an enigma wrapped in a riddle and his bio is none of your business.

Sean Michael
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Ask Sean is an advice column to be used for informational and for entertainment purposes only. By submitting a letter to this website, you grant SayItCanada permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your name and email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a question will be responded to.

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