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Friday, 28-Apr-2017 02:09:04 EDT
ask sean: trouble with commitment? SEAN MICHAEL
DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE (Mature content. 18yrs+)
Some of the reasons men won't commit to a woman.
Greetings, kids! We have another exciting episode for you this week. We're going to be asking why us guys are have trouble with commitment. We're going to be talking about what a girl should do with a confessed cheater. And we're going to be talking about what to do when you ‘accidentally' dig into your man's internet history and find some stuff you were never meant to find..
Let's dig in to this week's adventure...
WHEN SHE'S READY FOR MARRIAGE AND HE'S NOT
LOOKING FOR A RING asks:
What are some of the reasons men won't commit to a woman?
SEAN says: Evolutionarily speaking, guys are designed to want to impregnate as many girls as possible. Have as many chances for their genes to spread into infinity. Girls want commitment because they need to invest themselves into their kids in order to have their own genetic eternity. Emotionally, guys are afraid to commit because 'What if I meet an even more amazing girl but I'm locked down?' And logically speaking, he is thinking 'What if the 60% divorce thing is true and she takes half my shit?'
There are a lot of reasons really on why a guy would have difficulty locking down. It's a big decision for him.•
Do you have a question?
HE'S WONDERFUL BUT A KNOWN CHEATER
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER? asks:
So a conversation with a man I'm dating went something like this... He said he was married for 26yrs. I asked why it ended and he said he cheated on her.
I said, "Well, if you learned from it, that's all that matters."
"That's just it, I didn't."
I put it in the back of my mind and thought, 'Okay, I just won't give him my heart...' I'm trying not to – but damn it, I really like this one! We get along so well and see each other almost every day.
Curious about what you have to say about this. Keep in mind this is the guy who has stuck around when my dad passed away and has been a great support. But not sure where it can go knowing what he said... What do you think?
SEAN says: All right, we're going to have to talk a bit about Triune Theory here... The belief of Triune Theory is that we have three brains. At the very top of our spine is the primitive Reptilian Brain. The bigger part of our brain is our emotional Mammalian Brain. And finally, the cerebral cortex represents our logical Human Brain.
Your Reptilian Brain is your fight or flight/ fuck/ kill/ survival brain. When someone yells ‘Fire!' in a building, it's the one that freaks out and tries to start running;
Your Mammalian brain is your happy puppy emotional centre. The one that makes you feel tingly and sobby and whatever other rainbow of emotions you might feel; and,
Your Human Brain is the one that looks at everything from a logical point of view.
Now if you've kept up with me so far, the next level of this is, these three brains do not talk to each other!
If your Reptile is freaking about the fire and trying to escape, it's hard for your Logical Brain to intervene and say, ‘Let's stop and look at the fire escape map and find the easiest way out of here.'
If you are sobbing in hysterics with your Mammalian Brain, then you are going to be hard to calm down and follow your Human Brain's map out of the fire-engulfed building.
In this case, your Human Logical Brain has been told that he is a cheater. He will cheat – no question about it! And you can't get mad at him because he told you. But the problem is you are thinking with your Mammalian Emotional Brain and you're hoping that someone will give you permission to think that maybe you can change him and then you can be happy together... Not going to happen.
He will cheat on you, and you need to start listening to that Human Logical Brain before he takes advantage, if he hasn't already.•
Do you have a question?
BROWSING HISTORY SURPRISES
OMG asks: Okay... So, I had to browse through my boyfriend's internet history for a page that I visited last month for an MLS listing on a home. I came across a dozen rape videos from a porn site that he watched last night while I was in bed and he was on the couch... Then a little further into the history, I found four dating websites: Zoosk, WildBuddies, BeNaughty and Amanda (or Amber) Madison... He is a member of BeNaughty and has been actively talking to girls as recent as Friday!
And that Madison webite, right on the front page, it says, "Life is short. Have an affair."
OMG! What do I do?! He swears up and down that he is not a cheater!
SEAN says: Uummmmm, ya... Beware! I won't accuse him of actually cheating on you – yet – but he's at least prepping for it. And maybe he has a fetish or two about some crazy shit that he'd never do in real life – but again, beware.
If you want to save your relationship though, you need to have a very open conversation with him. No judging, just open conversation about his fetishes and why he's on these sites. He might not have the answers you're hoping to hear, but he is obviously withholding parts of his life from you, and that separation – whether he cheats or not – is going to have consequences.
And by the way, I highly recommend that you have these conversations with him, with some sort of counselor as well. It could really be nothing but an ego boost to him to talk to other women and he has power issues and likes the rape fantasy. But either way, go see a professional with this one.•
Sean Michael is an enigma wrapped in a riddle and his bio is none of your business.
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Sunday, May 19, 2013