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Saturday, 29-Apr-2017 19:17:59 EDT
ask sean: online dating
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About Online Dating...
Ask Sean.

This week's edition is chock full of awesomeness and we’re excited to bring it to you!

First off, we’re going to address why nice guys lose the girls and how they can turn being nice into finally being the trophy that all girls are looking for. Then, for those of you that are facing some inner insecurities, I am going to share a Hypnosis Technique that will finally release you into Confidence and Power. And finally, we are going to be talking about those dating sites that are so popular nowadays. It’s time to address why it’s so hard to find that perfect mate.

Okay, enough intro. I’m sure you're already dying to dig in. Have at ‘er...


DUMPED asks:
I just need to vent a bit... Just got dumped yesterday after four months. She used to comment about how sweet and thoughtful I was, and how her past boyfriends were Dbags and such. I'm seriously starting to think that being respectful and genuine is a curse. I try to put them before me (not in a clingy way), and be supportive and helpful with any problems or tasks that need attending.

It seems that it always has to be one crapping on the other to make things work these days....

SEAN says:
Nah. With girls, it's all about triggering emotions. Sure, crapping on her does that too, but if you can trigger her emotions so she feels joy, happiness, adventure, elation, excitement, etc, it will give her that and make her want you more than any Dbag would get. 

The problem with being the nice guy all the time is that it triggers the opposite of emotion: boredom. She wants you to say no once in awhile, she wants you to have your own opinions on things. I'm sure you liked candy as a kid, and loved going trick-or-treating on Halloween. But remember the next day when you'd eaten too much of it? Candy is still great, but too much makes you sick. This is how girls feel when they get too much of you agreeing with them and doing everything for them. 

If you want to be the nice guy, give her 'candy' once in a while. She'll love you for it. Don't give it to her every day or all the time, until she gets sick of it – and you. She wants that fun, she wants that anticipation, she wants you to surprise her, she wants you fun and mysterious and exciting. All of that stuff that triggers her emotions and makes her addicted to you. 

Not sure if you can fix things with her, but do this with the next one. All girls want that nice guy that makes her tingle. They are the rarest, most sought after ones out there.

Do you have a question?


I am a pretty positive, optimistic person – but around girls, it's almost as though I have trouble accepting when something is going well.The last relationship I was in – and last time i really trusted a girl – went terribly. She screwed me over.

Is it a fear of putting myself out there? What can I do to overcome this – and accept when things are going well to enjoy it – instead of worrying all the time?

SEAN says:
Okay, this actually has nothing to do with girls at all, but it is critically important that you address this right away or you will never be able to make things work with girls in the future. The problem is that you have some inner issues that stem back from a few years ago. Things that trigger your insecurity, things that make you believe you don’t deserve happiness, things that make you sabotage things when all is going great. I’m guessing that you can think of a few of those things right now from back in your childhood. Here is what I want you to do, it’s a bit of self-hypnosis but really easy and you’ll feel way better afterwards.

Get comfy. A nice chair, hot bubble bath, even lying in bed at night before going to sleep. No distractions. Now close your eyes and take a deep breath, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Take your time, 10-20 seconds in, 10-20 seconds out. When your lungs are full, hold for three seconds, when your lungs are empty hold for three seconds. Do this thirty times.

Now think of one of the childhood traumas that you remember from earlier on. Think about it so that you actually feel it in your body. Maybe in your chest, maybe in your stomach, maybe elsewhere. Notice exactly where it is, what size it is, what shape it is, what colour it is, what texture it is. Feel it and notice it. As some time goes on, notice how it has moved. It is no longer in the same place as before. Try to see if it has changed size, colour, texture, intensity even. Do this for a few minutes, checking how it has changed and moved throughout you.

Next, I want you to pull it out of you and hold it in your hand. Actually feel it in the palm of your hand. Now stretch it. Make it big, maybe it small, crush it, and make it big again. Notice how you no longer feel it inside you anymore. Then when you are ready, shrink it down to something smaller than an atom, and throw it away. You should feel very free and relaxed now.

Once you’ve done that, just go back to breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Thirty times. Try and think of that traumatizing thing again. It might still feel it muted within you – or nothing.

You can repeat this hypnosis technique for anything that holds you back in life. And it will let you feel more comfortable with the girls you meet, but more important, with yourself.

Do you have a question?


SHY GURL asks:
Being new to the dating scene and online dating sites being the 'in place' to meet guys, I have given it a try. I don't know if guys have gotten bolder since I last dated but it seems that most conversations quickly turn to a sexual nature and the wanting of 'pictures'.

I've met a few guys online that I thought I clicked with, but the minute that question comes up... it just stops me dead in my tracks. How do I deal with getting guys to just want to get to know each other first? Is that even a reality anymore?

SEAN says:
All right, dating sites. Sean. is. not. a. fan. You have to realize that words are only 7% of communication. Communication is mostly body language, touch, eye contact, intonation, etc. If all you are getting from someone is words on a website, then you are missing 93% of who they really are.

The other big problem – and this goes even beyond the boys you will meet on a dating site – is that guys no longer know how to get girls and then keep them:

  • Girls are relationship experts.
    They watch movies, read books / magazines, and chat endlessly about the ideals of what dating and relationships should be.
  • Guys were raised on video games, action movies and porn.
    They have an innate belief system that says, "If I defeat the bad guy, the girl will just fall into my arms anyway for non-stop ravishing." – or – "If I send her a picture of my penis, she will fall madly in love with me." Guys nowadays really believe that.

Anyway, dating sites? No.

Now what will work? You can try bars and clubs because as least you are getting more than the 7%, but not much more. Coffee shops / book stores / libraries / etc are infinitely better. And far better than that, places that have a common interest built in. Go take a dance or cooking course, join a book or hiking club, etc, etc. Whatever your interests are, going to those places to meet others with similar interests will give you a huge advantage right away to connect.

Good luck!

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Sean Michael is an enigma wrapped in a riddle and his bio is none of your business.

Sean Michael
©2013 SayItCanada.ca. All rights reserved.

Mature content. 18yrs+

Ask Sean is an advice column to be used for informational and for entertainment purposes only. By submitting a letter to this website, you grant SayItCanada permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your name and email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a question will be responded to.

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